i don't even know how to explain it. i'm not sad or depressed or hate my life or anything like that. i'm not even anything close to being suicidal or destructive to my body.
i just feel lost. confused. it's hard to put it into words. it's like this feeling where nothing makes sense and everything is just there but you can't really place it. i just want to disappear sometimes. to escape everything. to not be able to be in my mind. because i don't even know myself anymore. and it scares me. i don't know if everyone goes through something like this or if i'm just crazy. maybe i am crazy. maybe i have some problem. i really don't know. it just feels like i'm not really truly living. i don't even know what i want anymore. i'm confused. it's like i've changed so much. i don't even know myself anymore. and it frustrates me that it's impossible to put what i'm feeling into words. because i just want to be able to write it out or say it so maybe i can understand it. but i can't and it scares me shitless.
