today nicole asked me to go with her to smoke a cigarette. we chatted about prom and rolling at grad night and nathaniel and her relationship with her boyfriend. she told me that she's moving in with him and that she can see herself marrying him. usually i would think it's ridiculous to say that as a teenager but the way she explained it, i believe her for the most part. and she told me about her relationship with nathaniel and stuff. she's so funny and insane but so chill. i really like her as a person and we're becoming friends. 

i've reached a new level...
now i just dgaf. smokin weed in mah room cuz i'm too lazy to go outside.

once i finally realized the real person you are. the real way that you treat people. the real way that you treated me. the lack of respect and sincerity that you showed me. once i realized who you really are, it made it that much easier to move on. 
no i have not moved on completely. i still care for you and i always will. but i no longer want you the way i did before. 
we're becoming friends and that's what i want. i want to get to know you from a friend perspective. i don't want to think of you as this shady asshole but it's going to be very difficult for you to change my perspective of you. i don't think i will ever see you as a good person. i don't think you're a shitty person because i've realized you're just lost. you're as lost as i am. you don't know how to deal with your feelings. 
this is my assumption though. which deems it unreliable. all i've been doing is assuming shit with you. from your feelings to the way you are. and i've been pretty inaccurate so far. 


this post is so stupid. i feel like i just say the same thing over and over again. 


going to smoke a bowl then take a shower. peace out

wait...i just have to make a post about prom......


1. we were late to preprom champagne party because we were getting our make up done.
2. it was really fucking awkward at preprom because miranda and anna and garrett were there.
3. the party bus there was really awk too because i had to see garrett and anna's pda...gross
4. prom was lame as fuck but i was drunk so it was all good.
5. i don't know what i would have done if alena wasn't there.
6. seeing zane and nora was really fucking awk too.
7. the food sucked.
8. my prom date is hooking up with my good friend. it's not awk though because i love them both. my prom date was just never with me haha
9. i'm happy nic won prom king but it sucks that ea didn't win prom queen.
10. the party bus back to kevin's was awk as fuck because garrett and anna sat across from me and were holding hands and it was killing me. like....why can he do that with her but not me...do i have some disease or something? that's the only thing that hurts me....
11. josh is really fucking creepy. once i got drunk he kept trying to dance with me and get "couch time"...awk
12. nicole is so fucking funny
13. i got really drunk so everything is hazy
14. ea fucking is the queen at dancing sexually with guys...god i have no idea how she does it...
15. everyone was so fucked up it was great
16. one of the smartest guys in my grade got drunk and passed out hahaha
17. everyone was dancing
18. jasmine kinji is great. even though she was haley's date...ohwell haha
19. i sat on nathaniel's lap haha
20. i hooked up with haley... :-)
21. nic and haley tried to get alena and i to go back to their hotel with them....
22. kristen went crazy at her afterprom hahahahhhahahaha
23. i hooked up with nathaniel. and it was cute cuz he did cute stuff cuz he's in love with me haha
24. josh gave us free dank weed
25. alena stole someone's bomb ass grinder
26. it was nice to sleep in a bed and not the floor
27. it was a good afterprom
28. i didn't puke! :-)
29. i had no hangover the next day

me and kevyboo

namjaaaa

my prom date<3

favorite people

:-)

<3

my best friend in the entire world

My art teacher fucking hates me. But I guess that feeling is mutual.
He's so mean to me...... wahhh.

i literally come to school every day and i sit in class and all i think about is how much i hate everyone here. 
today my body hates me. it feels gross and sore and unhappy. 
last night i was texting one of my "exes" josh really randomly and he thinks i'm unhappy now. lol and i was really high so i thought it was so funny when he told me how i have so much going for me and how he was basically trying to cheer me up and make me see that i have things to look forward to so i shouldn't be sad. lol it was nice of him but i really didn't need a lecture on being happy. 
i made a list of my physical insecurities and it's not a very happy list. 
lastly i think i'm getting over mr. douche bag. it's not that i wouldn't hook up with him if i was drunk or that i have no feelings for him. i do they just aren't as strong and vibrant as they were a month ago. i don't want to try and pursue hooking up with him. i will always care about him, i don't know why but i know i always will. i just don't want him like i used to. 


thingz are lookin up but also looking down.