I finally feel like I'm getting over you. Little by little at least. Last weekend I was talking to David about how I was hopelessly unable to get over you. I told him that I hated the way you were around your peers and I liked the way you were when it was only me and you. And he told me how I think that's the real you. I think you're really this sincere guy but that's not who you truly are and it makes sense. You would be your true self around your friends that you are completely comfortable around and that person you are in front of them is not the you I'm attracted to. Maybe smoking with you really was the trigger to move on or maybe it was what David said. I realized that I was being unrealistic. You will never act the way I would want you to act or be the person I would want you to be. It just doesn't work out like that. I can't even explain what I'm feeling right now. In a way I'm relieved that I'm realizing all of this, but at the same time it terrifies and saddens me. And I hope this won't make me go back to being infatuated with you, I know getting over you is what I need most. But it just aches a little to not have those feelings I did just last week for you. You weren't at school today and maybe it's helping, or maybe when I see you next all the feelings will come rushing back. I really want to say that I won't let them, because I do know that he could never be all that I want him to be but I just don't know if I'll ever be able to fully let go of the idea of him.